There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
