Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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