I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
