Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
