To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
