I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
