i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
