took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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