the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
