dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Houston, we have a blender
3pm strippers are depressing
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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