We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
