She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
