she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize