I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
