The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
