I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
