There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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