Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
