jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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