I just cut my nipple shaving
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
