I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
