saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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