shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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