i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
