It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
