I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize