question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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