when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
