worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize