My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
