You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
