He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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