Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
