well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All I want is dick and wine.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
