I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
