the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
