If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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