it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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