Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
