My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
