He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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