I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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