I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
