dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
