Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
