Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
