3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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