After last night, I could never be a politician.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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