first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
