Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
operation have a gay friend backfired
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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