i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
