Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
