Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
