Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
