Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
