I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Randomize
