Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
