you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
