Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
