my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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