i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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