I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
