Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
