Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
