Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I believe in your delicious
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
