I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
