He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
