i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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