I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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