i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
