i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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