i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
