the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
