I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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