I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
