Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
