and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
