Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize