The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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