you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
