a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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