I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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