Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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