My hand turned me down
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
