can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
