You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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