i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
