Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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