it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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