I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
