I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize