How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
