we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
