dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
