the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
