I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
