No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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