I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
