capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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