one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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