my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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