ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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