all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
